“Quotables”

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Quotes I feel like quoting:

"Judge me all you want, but keep the verdict to yourself"

- a convicted serial killer...

"I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants."

- A. Whitney Brown, via Tim Henson

"Where's his glasses? He can't see without his glasses!"

-Vada

"Uberstein"-Hannibal,

via Nikki

"When life gives you lemons, eat some cookies, it'll stabilize the taste"

-Christine

"When life gives you lemons, make lemon-grenades and throw them at people you don't like"

- ?, via Laura Raynor

"I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to too."

-Mitch Hedberg

"When i was a kid i had to be good at things to get trophies. as an adult i found out that you can buy trophies. now i am great at everything."

-? via Chris Johnson

"I think the team that scores the most points is going to win."

-John Madden via Terry Clark

"Every 10 seconds a woman is giving birth, she must be found and stopped."

-?

"Everyday is a gift, that's why they call it the present."

-?

"I heard your pants weren't hiring because your butt won't quit"

-The Simpsons

"you shut your face when you're talking to me"

-Nikki M.

 

"He shoulda let the man ride his bike!"

-Killer Clowns from Outter Space

 

The Professor:

"Your mission is to collect honey. Ordinary honey."

Leela: "That doesn't sound so bad."

"It's no ordinary honey!"

-Futurama

"I'd kill a drifter for ten more minutes of sleep!"

-Mitch

July 26th, 2010 7:30 P: Comics on the Spot, The Warehouse, Marina Del Rey

July 23rd , 2010 8:30 P: Mr. J's Comedy Nights , The Hollywood Hotel,, Hollywood

July 8th , 2010 8:30 P: Stand up L.A., Ye Ole Kings Head ,Santa Monica

June 12th , 2010 7:30 P: Sunset Hills Country Club , Thousand Oaks

May 17th, 2010 7:30 P: Comics on the Spot, The Warehouse, Marina Del Rey

May 7th, 2010 9:00 P: Mr. J's Comedy Nights , The Ramada Inn, Hollywood

March 22nd, 2010 7:30 P: Comics on the Spot, The Warehouse, Marina Del Rey

Feb 2nd,, 2010 7:30 P: Comics on the Spot, The Warehouse, Marina Del Rey

Jan 26th, 2010 7:30 P: Comics on the Spot, The Warehouse, Marina Del Rey

Jan. 6th 2010 7:30P : Uncle Clyde's Comedy Contest The Ice House Annex, Pasadena; Click to purchase tix for $2 off regular price!

Nov. 28th- Dec. 11th 2009 Participate in my "Greet and Treat" contest ending December 11th, 2009, click here for details: Greet and Treat Contest

Nov. 27th 2009: Black Friday savings on Blastoff!

Nov 25th 2009: Check out my new video posted on youtube: February/Google

Nov 18th 2009 7:30P Girlz Gone Comedy at The M Bar Los Angeles, CA

Nov 13th 2009 11:00A Check out my on air interview on Lancer Radio 88.9, Pasedena or listen online at LancerRadio.org

Nov 5th 2009 7:30P Spotlight Comedy Club StudioCity CA

Listen to my Oct. 30th on air interview with medium Spasoff

Oct 15th 2009 The M Bar Los Angeles, CA-LNC Website

Oct 3rd 2009 "Shellter" Film Screening Los Angeles

Sep 26 2009 7:30P Spotlight Comedy Club StudioCity CA

Sep 13 2009 9:00P The Improv Los Angeles CA

Aug 15 2009 7:30P Spotlight Comedy Club Studio City CA

Aug 7 2009 7:30P The Space Los Angeles CA

Jul 30 2009 7:30P ECHOPLEX Los Angeles CA

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